The European Commission has just announced an
agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than
German which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her
Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for
improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase-in plan that would be known as
"Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft
"c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The
hard "c" will be dropped in favour of the"k". This should
klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter. There will be growing
publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will
be replaced with "f". This will make words like "fotograf"
20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling
kan be ekspekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are
possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have
always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible
mes of the silent "e"s in the language is disgraseful, and they
should go away. By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as
replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords
kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer
kombinations of leters.
