Hamlet Theatre Banter

ACT ONE

Scene I

(Офелия и Гамлет спят, 6 утра)

H – Oh, father… Hmmm…He killed you! And then again and again… There’s no light, my dearest mother.

O – My love, give me some minute just to sleep

H – Oh, no! Betrayers! Where’s the sweetest Justice!

O – My dear, please… I want to sleep!

H – You! You are the one who killed him! You!

O – Oh, Jesus… What a jerk I’m married to? And every goddamn night you’re talking to yourself. Should better buy me some new clothes..

H – I beg you… No…

(Офелия злится)
O – Is that so difficult to make your wife more happy? To buy a new dress or ring with a diamond? You only makes me cry! (задумчиво) when Ann or Mary are happier than me…just buying some new clothes or i-phones…

H – Nevermore!

(Будит его)
O – Wake up, you piece of!.. whatever… It’s time for you now to go to your work, my dearest (teasing).

H – I dreamt that…

O – Who cares? Go to work! And make me breakfast

H (не слыша) – I’ve dreamt that I’ve seen  father

O – He’s dead… I’m gonna meet my brother.. So.. Don’t wait for me tonight

H – And he was like a ghost…and I was wearing a crown.

O – what a weird man… Goodbye, my dear (выгоняет с кровати, ложится обратно)

H – I was’n Medieval. T’was late night, the knights all over. The bright light of the moon was.. (Офелия храпит). Ophelia?                    

Scene II

(Hamlet is near the pub Drunken Duchess, going to work. The closest phone booth is ringing.)

H – Ah… Okey. Strange. Yes?

V – voice

V – Mr. Amletus?

H – Yes, that’s me… Who’s that I hear?

V – Mr. Simpleton. Should I remind you who I am?
H – oh… No, sir. Sorry. I feel a kinda weird… eeerm

V -  I strongly recommend you to see a doctor. Soon. Tomorrow?

H -  I feel so confused… What is wrong?

V -  You’re fired.

H – I’m fired… Sorry, what? But how? But I’s the best and…

Piiiip piiiiip piiiiiip

(Policeman – P)

P – Sir, you’re ok? 

H – hardly… I feel…

P – Do I’ve call the ambulance?

H – I’ll do myself. A lot of thanks… (берет трубку будки).Hmm. Nobody answers…

P – Good luck, sir. (уходит, оборачивается и про себя) Hey idiot, it’s broken. Need tell my guys, they’ll like it. (усмехается)

H (звонит с будки)

Hr - Horatio

H – Horatio, my friend! Where are you?

Hr -  Hey, dude. Go to the Drunken Duchess pub!

H – Hmm. Where’s it?

Hr – Behind you.

(в пабе)

Hr – Hey, man! How are you?

H – I’m fine.. I’m fine…

Hr – Hey, boy. Two shots, please. The same as usual! I’ll pay, friend.

H –Thank you… Now’I even won’t have money to pay wife’s debts.  And…

Hr – And what? C’mon, dude. Don’t be so shy. We’re old good friends, so talk to me. How is your sweetest wife? How is your dog, Mike?

H – Dog? I don’t…

Hr – That pretty puppy you wanted to buy when you were once so high..

H – (смеется) Oh, please, Horatio. Now cheers! For pretty puppies and their wives!

Hr (ухмыляется) – Long live the King!

H (останавливается, потом махает рукой и пьют ещё)
Hr – So how’s your work?

H – ha.. I’m fired! I’m who was the best for almost 15 years.

Hr – You’re kidding…

H - No, I’m not. How was that:? To be or not to be?..

Hr – That it is the question. Yes. That is (задумчиво).  Hey, man. Repeat, please (бармэну)

(Выпивают)

Hr – We need to talk (уже пьяные немного)

H – We are.  Right now.

Hr – Your life is hard. Your life is hopeless. No one whom you can trust.
There’s the way, the way of hope…

H – ha, to turn to dust? (смеется)
Hr ( серьёзно) – your wife has debts, you have no money. Your wife has (a) lover – you have not.

So what’s the point of the thinking… Your life is not (a) jackpot.

H – maybe. I need… well… Bye, my friend. I’m done

Hr – May pick you up?

H – No. All by myself. Thank you, my knight. They killed him.

Hr – Long live the King!

(Гамлет уходит за дверь, Горацио пьет, происходит шум за дверью - Гамлет выстрелил в себя)

Scene III

(Ophelia alone)

Where are you, silly. I worry much about you.

It’s ten p.m.  My darling… I don’t understand.  Today I paid my bills, thanks to my brother. (взыхает) and thanks to you… for all my dreams are coming true while I have been living near you…(Звонит телефон, босс Гамлета – S)

S -  Mrs. Amletus, is that you?

O – yes, yes. Please speak, where’s my husband?

S – Pardon, who? I thought you knew…

O – Oh, please. Please tell me you’re joking.. I’ve been worrying the whole day. Please, tell me, he is okey.

S  – I’m sorry, Mrs. He didn’t come at time. I called him – He did not answer..

O – Oh, God! I’ll call police!

S – please, call me back, I worry too. He was my best, right arm just…

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